oil on canvas by Caio Fernandes 2002

Acrylic on Canvas by Caio Fernandes 2008

by Caio Fernandes 2009

oil on paper by Caio Fernandes - 2002

shell - by Caio Fernandes - 2009

" ( Six months is a long time )

I tried living in the real world

Instead of a shell

But I was bored before I even began

I was bored before Ieven began "

- Morrisey

i am a little doll , a toy doll - fron 2000 to 2008 by Caio Fernandes

i don't know if this is true , but will never leave my mind . true or not , maybe one day i forguive Michelangelo for this .
many years ago i went to prepare one solo exhibition , and there among really big works i had made a critic came to chat and i don't remember why , he told me about a Michelangelo's biography where says when he came back fron his "Northern Jorney " he made fun of all the germans , dutchs , and other painters he met there . " they aren't real painters , they just paint little dolls " , Michelangelo said .
again , i don't know if this is true , i didn't read this biography and i never trust biographys . but i live with this in my mind every day .
me , a south american painter of the 21st centure , took this as a personal offence .
well , my favorite painters come fron those countrys . and sure that i absolute don't agree in nothing with Michelangelo .
not just that , in my home i used to make lots of self-portraits that looked as a doll later . i love to see humans and myself this way .
here i am posting someones . acrylic on canvas , oil on paper , pencil on paper , wax on paper . what i had in my hand between 2000 and 2008 .
( but i don't knooooooowwwwwwwwwww ... the little doll ( The Stooges ) .
sorry Michelangelo , but between those colorful epic lies you composed and the sincere dolls fron north . i stay with the dolls .

acrylic on canvas by Caio Fernandes - 2008

not tonight amigo - the curse of the heat by Caio Fernandes 2009 / acrylic on canvas by Caio Fernandes 2007

the skin upon the dark table under the weak light .
so quiet .
involving running blood .
speed of destiny into the veins . burning hot .
.
wings of lost moments breathing vacuos of strange blue dimensions . they're gone .
love drops and vanishs as beautiful landscapes this body never belonged
heat heat heat . be naked is the only experience i can have
.
i sit on the bed . it is a fact . the silence pulsing high temperetures .
i swallow my saliva . it has many sounds .
i spit my last thought . it is blank .
.
there are no galaxies inside my chest anymore .
the heat consumed this for feed the space and air .
who needs space and air ? this is so tridimensional and sufocating .
.
geting up . i walk with no direction . slow ....
to live inside a body is just to be a spot of flesh among heavy atoms .
but under this heat .
to live inside a body is just to be a steaming spot of flesh among sticky atoms with no doors .
arrested into an existence that doesn't allow me to exist .
.
lips don't want to wake up . they rest on my arms . muscles are good pillows .
feets exausted on the floor . ground is such a geografic waist .
no other alternative but to lay down into the shadows of the bed . the warm sheets smashing solitude against my neck .
my cock gets hard exploding . the first sign of real life in me .
- " not tonight amigo . there is nothing for us here " .

acrylic on canvas by Caio Fernandes 2009

when one of the characteristics in your work and life is always try to do the same things in a diferent way , some times you reach results hard to swallow .

hope you like this one , because i didn't .

yesterday i fought with the paint and canvasses fron 7:00 in the morning to 4:00 afternoom . things were doing fine at first , but then the devil decided to open his gates and send demons to twist my soul and day . all the world around me was a hell . all the worst feelings beating my face .

i decided to do not give up .

acrylic on canvas by Caio Fernandes - 2002

RainForest Cubes - by Caio Fernandes 2009

rainForest cubes for your green tea ?

unser kleiner Konig . you gonna kill your momy . - by Caio Fernandes 2009

Mother - who's my little king ? who's my little king ? who is the momy's little king ?

Moviment of Internal Rotation- by Caio Fernandes 2004 or 5 . who cares .

my Irish lucky hat

Unfeasible Water - by Caio Fernandes 2009

i hate when people use the transparency to arrest the Truth .

acrylic on canvas by Caio Fernandes 2009

acrylic on canvas by Caio Fernandes - 2001

the cat ate my tongue

Values - by Caio Fernandes 2009

acrylic on canvas by Caio Fernandes- 2009

Stellet Licht - Hyde Park , London , - by Caio Fernandes , winter , 2007

i know !!! i stoled the title fron my favorite movie ever .... so what !!

if you didn't watch it .

please . do it this weekend !!!

.

the coincidence is that these photos are fron the

same year of the movie .

but this is the only thing in comon .

acrylic on canvas by Caio Fernandes 2000

by Caio Fernandes 2009

I DECLARE : Caio is el Grand Dictator von Mein Welt

all great dictator must to have a charismatic smile ( YES ) , a great mustache ( YES) , and a great speech : so here comes mine :

i have sung this RAMONES song sinse i was 9 - 10 years old . couldn't be more perfect for this post :

TODAY YOUR LOVE , TOMORROW THE WORLD

I'am a shock tropper in a stupor

Yes Iam .

I' am a Nazi schatze

Y' know I fight for Fatherland .

I'am a Nazi , baby , I' am a Nazi

Yes I am .
I'am a Nazi schatze

Y' know I fight for Vaterland

Little German boy

Being pushed around

Little German boy In a German yown .

EIN . ZWEI . DREI . VIER !!!!!!!!

Today your love

tomorrow the world

Today your love

tomorrow the world

Today your love

tomorrow the world .................!!!!!

------------------------------------------------------

VIVA LA REVOLUCION DE MIERDA !!!!!
every one is a dictator when the door of the bedroom closes .

acrylic on canvas by Caio Fernandes 1999

submerse life - pocket death - by Caio Fernandes 2009

i know that many of you have good heart and as i do , cares about the animal rights ...
this little fellow wasn't killed for the production of these pictures .
please . don't send me emails as the last time i posted a dead fish .
i apreciate your concernments and i would have a similar reaction .
Neons ( this especime ) live in Nature around 3 , 4 years old . this one lived in my amazon-biotype aquarium for 5 , almost 6 years . very well and happy .
even so i am against to buy and keep this specime in tanks .
they don't reproduce in artificial enviroment , just in Nature where they are fron ( Black River area , Amazonia - Rio Negro - Brazil ) .
every month milions are exported to Europe and North America . they say it has control , but the documents are fake . i know my country , trust me .
in few time this specime will be extinct if it keep happening . this specime is "food " for many others and the ecologic chain will be in serious trouble . not forgeting that these little fragil ones suffer a lot till arrive in peoples house . the ones that arrive alive , sure .
please don't buy this fishes and don't buy anything in pet-shops or aquarium-stores that sell then .
mine ones were a "gift" fron another aquarist the gave up of the hobbie and didn't know what to do with then .





oh ... and these photos don't say nothing about this . i just felt like to talk about my live . you know . because i am too selfish and self-centered .

thanks !!

Submerse Life - Pocket Death/ Linda is a Slut - by Caio Fernandes - 2009

Linda isn't the real name . i always protect who i love .

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

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fish scales ; seems to be fragil but are there for thousands of years .

she opened fissures among colorful reflections over her silence .

she did .

and was beautiful ...

fron here , far way i saw ribs shining .

.

she walking down the street

hands in pockets

curved

she opened fissures among colorful reflections

i saw ribs shining

i felt a vacuum of logic between it but fulfilled with white light around .

.

but someone saw fear

.......someone felt fear

and called her slut .

and everybody called her slut .

.

wouldn't be fair even if it was true

so let's go !!

everybody repeat this till start to make sense and be true !!!!

camon !!! everybody :

.

LIN . DA . IS . A . SLUT

LIN . DA . IS . A . SLUT

LIN . DA . IS . A . SLUT

LIN . DA . IS . A . SLUT

.

submerse life - pocket death , Linda .

"do not judge for to do not be judged - Jesus ..." yes , nobody reads this part of the Bible ( my favorite one ) .

Welcome Linda !! this is Mein Welt . nobody will judge you here .

acrylic on canvas by Caio Fernandes 2002

by Caio Fernandes 2009

self-portrait on canvas . by Caio Fernandes 2009

acrylic on canvas by Caio Fernandes - 2001

acrylic on canvas 2009 - by Caio Fernandes

2009 - by Caio Fernandes

acrylic on canvas by Caio Fernandes - 2000

2009 - by Caio Fernandes

brand new , painted this moring . still warm , just came out fron the oven .

i painted listening all my Guided by Voices 's albums and singing as loud as possible embarrasing myself in front of the neighbors and everyone on the street .

God !! this is good !!

i found this picture among my box of trash stuff i don't put on the garbage . and decided to paint .

simple like that .

hope you enjoy .

wooden logic - by Caio Fernandes 2009

acrylic on canvas by Caio Fernandes - 2000

one day i am going to belong to something good , you will see - by Caio Fernandes - 2009

curving my spine into sterile steps
the arms of the stagnant air taste like sweaty wood

yesterday the white light raised me tall
i can't hold it . don't know why or how

moviments of my sholders opening passages among molecules of dead dreams
the white ballet licking silences
the white-grey ballet spining solitude inside my throat

there is no space in my life
i had to close doors behind me , but nothing got opened in front of ...
i had to close all the doors of rejection and hate and it will not get opened again

now you comb the curly points of your bright hair
siting gold over the dusty corners of my lips . beyond my fingers . beyond my chest
you forced me to say to a friend :
" one day i am going to belong to something good , you will see "

i don't know what to do , keep streching out the neck to the ignorance
burning embers covered by ashes is the only feeling i have now
i am blind and just have a blind faith

acrylic on canvas - 2002 - by Caio Fernandes

2009- by Caio Fernandes

2000 - by Caio Fernandes

2009 - by Caio Fernandes

out of the world , into the Word - by Caio Fernandes - 2009

2002 - by Caio Fernandes

2009 - by Caio Fernandes

wild duck - 2009 - by Caio Fernandes

2009 - by Caio Fernandes .

Lucas - 15 - 1;7 -- for Linda and all of us .

JESUS RECEBE OS PECADORES
15 - Aproximavam-se da Jesus todos os publicanos e pecadores para o ouvir .
E murmuravan os fariseus e os escribas , dizendo: este recebe os farizeus e come com eles .

APARABOLA DA OVELHA PERDIDA
Entao , lhes propos Jesus esta parabola :
Qual , dentre vos , e homen que possuindo 100 ovelhas e perdendo uma delas , nao deixa no deserto as 99 e vai buscar a que se perdeu , ate encontra-la ?
Achando -a , poe-na sobre os ombros , cheia de jubilo .
E indo para casa , reune os amigos e os visinhos , dizendo-lhes : Alegrai-vos comigo , porque ja achei minha ovelha perdida .
Digo-vos que , assim , havera maior jubilo no Ceu por um pecador que se arrepende do que por 99 justos que nao necessitam de arrependimento .

2009 - by Caio Fernandes

das haus - 2007- by Caio Fernandes

in front my amazon-biotype aquarium .

DEUTSCHER SCHAFERHUND - 2009 - by Caio Fernandes

HOPKINS IST MEIN FREUND

new girls for the garden .

spring is coming ...
doesn't matter where you are , remember , there is always a spring season in some part of the world .
now it is my turn baby !!!

Orquidea , this one looks like female's flesh . ok , i am going to treat her better .

but i think she likes this way .

night dew girl - 2009 - by Caio Fernandes -

2000 - by Caio Fernandes

2009 - by Caio Fernandes

2000 - by Caio Fernandes

8 years old Caio at the montain .

i just found those pictures fron that time .

the 2 first ones : me !!! one on a fat Campolina . the other , pretending i wasn't a trouble maker .

the 3rd one , a monkey waiting for the right moment for to "taste" our breakfeast .
it was taken i February , rare . we used to go there at the winter , July ...
but that hollidays we went to Rio de Janeiro 's north shore . there we got a tropical disease , the doctor said that better than to take medicine , we should go to a very high place . well.... we got the perfect adress . so the tanned family breathed the pure air again .

Giny , Araucaria , and the Montain .

The dogs and cats are with my mother . It is friday night and has been some thing around 7 hours that i left home , feeling so free and light alread ; just me and my faithful backpack that has followed me for so many years around the world . I had no machines , just a jack-knife and a longer knife almost the size of a sword and cloths , a bag of soy pizza flavor and a gallon of water .
I was climbing the montain at dark , there under the trees has absolut no light , the forest is too closed and intence , i am just able to walk because it is a litle path i know sinse i was a litle boy . it was some thing like 12 degrees in Sao Paulo , on the montain was below zero . I love this temperature ! After hours i arrived at the litle shack and opened its door , and light a fire . Home .
i see that it is cleaner than i imagined , i prefer to believe that a very romantic couple found this place months ago . everything is on its right place . as it has been for the last 30 years .
My family at the winter hollidays used to come to a house near this place , at this same montain . While they liked to go to the town to shopping and eat at the restaurants , i liked to stay alone , playing among the trees of the forest . But who showed me this hiden shack was a gay couple that had a house near here too , they didn't build it but used to come here before of to buy their house . These two mans was very polite with me and filled my mind with fantastic storys of their jouney around the world . i dont remember their names , sad . But the day i saw this litle house for the first time i told it would be my general headquarter , they said it is ok for then .
The shack was so perfect ! Alvenary with details in wood . Smal , just a bedroon and a tiny kitchen with a english wood oven made of iron fron the 19th centure . At the bedroom there was a couple bed . Nobody knows who constructed it , or why . but it is there , opened for every one . today it is exactly the same way , but i hanged a Jesus picture on the wall 17 years ago and wrote under it :" this house is opened for you , be welcome " .
I was feeling a green light of glory around my exausted body when i went to bed . Listening the loud sinfony of the forest . Here never had silence , all the animals that you never saw and will never see make the most weird sounds after sunset . Sometimes you are sure that spirits of evil women are calling your name . Sometimes you have the feeling that some kind of unknow being are walking around the walls of the house , smeling you and cursing your blood . Don't worry , those are just some sounds of the tropical jungle at night . I slept and dreamed with colorfull shines that got into my bed and danced all over my skin . Puting me on the roof where i could see stars singing futures and dimentions .
Morning . Misty montain calling me , holding my hand while i re-discovered every single specime of plant , while the squirrels climbeb the trees for to get the tiny red coconuts , same size of a cherry . And the monkeys gave the first screems . By the colour of the air and position of the few sun i can see among the leafs it is 5 o'clock . I went to the creek near here and took some water . Freezing . The cold air on my face and hands make me feel alive and brand new . The smell of the fog over the plants get into the skin feeding my breath ....
I do nothing , just try to walk , for who doesn't know this kind of wood , the plants here do not allow you to get into the forest and go further . It is too dense for human body and the chances of be found by a snake or spider is strong . But with this weather the snakes must to be far way , looking for the sunshines . I try to find the monkeys . I know they are the size of a lhasa apso , but it is too rare to see then . They are over me , i listen then , see the branchs moving , but all the plants hide then fron my sight . They are making a huge noise now , they always did . And it is going to be for the whole day . They argue and fight all the time . It is a hell , but what can i do ? this is their territory , they have had this behaviour for thousands of years . I pretend don't care .
After a couple of hours i decided to climb down the montain i litle bit and go to visit "the farm" . the old path was totaly invaded by the plants . But the trees and rocks are the same , theres no way i get lost , it seens that i was there one week before . Started to collect on the way petals , herbs and leafs for prepare tea , and pinhao for eat . Pinhao is a kind of nut fron a very particular kind of pine that just exist on this part of the world named Araucaria . There are other kinds of Araucaria here that we don't eat the pinhao . But this kind of nut can't be eaten raw , must to be coocked before . I got kilos of it and put into my backpack . the sound of the blue birds and the cicadas around invited me to get further and i forgot the monkeys noise fastly .
The Farm : " Giny" , i am not sure , was a friend of a friend of my parents . One day i went there with my mother , at her farm for a dinner , i was 3 or 4 years old , and i remember . I am just sure that the first time i went alone into the wood was for to try to find her .
She breeds horses , arabian and english pure bloods for hipism ( i don't know the name of this sport in english when the horses have to jump obstacles ) . I came to see the horses and even more for to see her : Giny is how i wrote her name sinse i was a kid . One of the first words i learned to write . But i don't know if the right way to write her name is Jeannie or Jenny ...and i have no idea of her last name . Is Giny for me , for ever . I like to see is her colection of pines . she have pines fron all over the world , lots of specimes , fron the most comuns to the most exotics . and for to arrive to her house i have to pass through these little pines forest . their view and smell are like a gate for me ; this "pine wood" divides the world behind fron Giny's lands .
Now the farm is old , the stable are empty , i saw just 3 old horses far way . After 15 minutes walking i am able to see the house . The house must to be painted . Giny must to be with 80 years old now or more .
She was beautiful , the kind of woman that is the every man's dream . Tall , blonde , thin , large breasts , huge legs , a face that makes you forget all the words ... you know what i am talking about . She never got married , i don't know her story , she never got friends too . But by all i saw of her very very strong personality , i prefer to think it was an option .
My first memory that comes to mind when i think of her , was when i was 7 years old . I had spent all the mornig far fron my parents losing myself into the forest . So i decided to visit Giny , she liked me and was the only one that talked with me as i was a man and not a kid .
When i got there all the employees where hiding thenselfs and the horses screaming loud in panic . I was able to , behind the trees and bushs get closed of the house and see what was happening , there was a onça on the roof of the house ( onça here is the same than a cougar or puma ) . I was near it , behind a tree facing in silence the onça and it muscles . She was nervous , showing the fangs , loud angry noises with no name . Sundely i listen a car engine , and that silver Mercedes Bens stops in front of the house . Giny alone comes out of it . Magnificent , long black leather boots till the knees , black pants , a white polo t-shirt , her big breasts with no bra ...long blond hair , sun glasses . She stops few metros fron the onça . Takes out the classes . Looks at me ( she was the only human that saw me there , all the employes were hiden far far way fron there ) . she extends her left hand in my direction calling me with a smile . I runned fast to her arms . and hugged her thighs staring the animal . she faces it and say : " You can go now , go to your family " . The onça went to the ground in silence , calm , slowly , jumped in direction of the forest and went away .
I hugged Ginys thighs hard , my lips touched her belly under the t-shirt , i kissed her warm golden skin and looked up to those big breasts in white cotton canvases , her face shined . For seconds i felt her as a man must to feel a woman . She smiled to me passing the left hand on my hair and the right one on my back . Then the employes came runing making noises and eager to tell their impressions and versions of the fact . I hated then , and sinse then i decided that i would never hire people for to work for me ...... she has 60 years old or someting more at this time . But for a 7 years old kid , 60 and 30 makes no diference . It is all adult . Even so , she was reacheble , she was mine for those secounds .
At the same hollidays , but other day , i was observing the horses ,while she prepared her favorite one and one of the arabians for me . I thought i would ride the short arabian one , as i was used to ride brazilian breeds as Manga Larga and Campolina , horses the same size of the arabians . but she told me to go to the english one . i got scared and exited : " Wow , really ?!! He is so tall and fast ?!! " , .... she looked at me serious :" You must to . You have total control of the german shepherds of your house , you control the people that works for your father and mother , control of the cats ... you are gentle and good , even so make then obey your orders . If you dominate this horse today , nobody in your life will never be able to tell you what to do ."
This was the way her mind worked . I didn't know that the horse was a sweet one , so i decided to "climb " him , and spent all that afternoon riding him over the clifs and among the pines feeling as i was the most powerfull and free man on the world .
So this saturday now i got into the house . Called her name , she came fron the attic , loked at me and gave that perfect smile . She recognized me at first glance . huged me making me feel confortable . She is shorter than i am now . And the last years aren't being kind with her . Last time we met was few years ago .
On the table i put the pinhoes , asked her for to cook then . It would be ready in 1 day . Not for lunch . She was preparing lunch alred , the kitchen had a sutil aroma of food . We talked about the farm , then she told me about the newest object , a computer . Till begining of 90's the house didn't even have eletric energy , telephone or gas , she dispited modern things but cars , and still does , but because of the age , she decided to have some of then . She fired all the employes , sold horses and just kept 3 very old females with her . She says are easy to take care . I told her i had a blog , and showed it . She din't know i was a painter !! I din't know i have never told about it . What makes me feel good . In front of her i was just myself , anything else . She saw the blog and laughed .
The meal was just integral rise , coocked vegetables and honey-mostard . She isn't vegan like me , but eats few meet , as always did . The only meat i saw on her table all those years was the bunnys she used to breed . Once she killed a white one of then in front of me , i was 6 years old or less . She was very gentle , respectfull , kissed the poor animal and killed him with just one moviment , no pain , no fear . But even so i don't like to remember that .
After lunch we laid on the lawn with the view to the vale as we used to do sinse the first times i started to visit her . There are no flowers on the sides anymore . Used to have red -purple flowers dividing the lawn to the forest . At afternoon , litle foxes used to put their head among the flowers for to observe us . chating chating chating .........we love to do this , we chat about nothing , Giny doesn't talk with anybody , she doesn't like anyone , just me . it makes me feel important and previleged .
The view of the vale is splendid , but i know that when Giny dies , the farm that is huge , will be sold by the family to companys that are going to construct condonms , golf fields .... streets ...hell , just the hell .
After sunset i went back to the forest and to the shack . There , i slept fast . Next day i spent all the time drinking tea of petals herbs and leafs i found , praying for God , Jesus , walking around the area , geting courage to wash myself with the freezing water of the creek .... at the afternoon i started to fix the old doors and windows of the "home" . Nothing complicated , this shack is really a blessed place , never needs to rebuilding nothing , nobody takes care of it , anyone comes here to maintain , and it never gets old . a mistery , a miracle .
At night i started to throw up . It is great . when i was a kid and came with my family , for the first 2 days i felt normal , but at tird and forth days i got on bed , just throwing up... it was the organism expeling the Sao Paulo's poluition . At 5th day i was brand new again . Ready for more adventures . It hapens with less intencity now , but still does . What is very very good .
Monday , today , i went back to the farm , Giny had prepared pinhao , we ate and laughed , then walked among the pine colection . She gave me a car ride to the town , i took the bus . Giny dont have photografs of her face , didn't have kids , didn't painted nothing , never wrote a poem , never composed a song , never built a house ....nothing never , when she dies her existence will just vanish fron the world . i like to imagine this . It is pure freedon . Courage . She is a pure spirit .
Ciau Giny , Ciau Misty Montain ... hope to see you both before the orks find you with their progress .
3 hours later arrived in Sao Paulo City , took the subway , walked a lot , crossed the avenues ... back to this house , hugged the dogs and cats , we rolled on the floor and jumped over the furnitures .
New life . Let's start now .

what i've done in 2009 - by Caio Fernandes

What i've done ....
i spent this night awaken , kind of lost , i hanged all my works on the wall , all paintings i have made so far in 2009 . Sit among then , just looking and trying to understand . Here i am posting kind of in the order they were made . i started to paint in March this year , or end of Februery , i am not sure , it was when the rebuilding of the house got finished . you know ... i am not happy with my production . it is going to nowhere . Yes , i am lost here .
Lost about everything .
yesterday i brock up with a perfect woman . perfect . mature , beautiful , smart , sensitive , sexy ... she loved me , and i hurted her . Why ? because my life is such a mess , and i am a such damaged man , that break up with and don't bring her to this " mental , emotional hurricane" that is my life is the biggest gesture of love i could show to her .
Yesterday i had the ultimate fight with my family too , but i know it is just an ilusion , more fights will come with then .....
I quit my job for ever . there is no way to come back . and i have no money for the next months .
Days ago , i had a ugly argue with the only friend in my life these last years . she was the only one that standed by me after all what happened years ago .
It is incredible , this year my life is finaly re-starting , and again i destroy every thing .
YES , i can say i am lost . i can say i am damaged , i can pray for God to fix me .
and these paintings , doesn't matter if they are good or not , just show that i have no idea of what i am doing with myself .
hope you enjoy . this is the best i can offer so far .

2000- by Caio Fernandes

MAREN ..... ich danke dir sehr fur.....

Thank you Maren for all the wonderful influence you have made me feel .

for all the new universes of beauty opened in my life .

and flowers , sure .

http://www.marenshus.blogspot.com/

this photografy was taken by MAREN . i just added the Jesus image on it , she knows why .

check her blog .

extinct kinds of molecules want a new life .

my left hand over my left thigh . my right hand searching internal shines that scape to the air .
than my right fingers passing through my left fingers . cells of stars fall fron all over .
it is embarrassing to have the dna of light and don't see it .

- what you're looking for is inside of you
- i always knew that , but i don't find a way .

she prepared the tea and served me in a very ornamented cup , delicated porcelain . blue and pink drawings . details of gold . hot hot hot, smelled like flowers ..... aroma of windows . wide opened ones . increasing beautys inside me . but i got empty . i couldn't touch that . as the space inside my chest was infinite comparing with everything around .

what is a man suposed to do when its own nature , the best nature , is out of reach ? how can i bring this up and live with .....?

God God God !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
God God God......................

extinct specimes of molecules left crystal impressions on ancient memories that i don't know how i am carring .
but they are here inside , are part of me . they are older than me . i don't know what to do with this .
a bless
a puzzle

2002- Caio Fernandes

tracking

tracking breaths of lost distances
the world curves its own sizes as a ring- toy on my fingers
i didn't have flashs of lights in an obvious lead , so choose to acept forgoten paths as they were new songs . and my cheast found life in a green pond inside .

my bloodhound instinct smells my own feelings at the other side of the world , used by fragil sincere hands .
you know what ? all my intutions fail . i don't know what to feel anymore . just keep going , traking , traking , traking ......
i am here , the universe all around , and just that .
no especific references , i follow the void .
the only way to find myself or something else is geting lost . again . traking feelings , as they were new songs .

2002- by Caio Fernandes

2001- by Caio Fernandes

Maria-sem-vergonha ( shameless Mary )

on my backyward , with dogs , cats and a lazy man taking care of it ( me myself and i ) , just a very strong and resistent plant can survive .
this is Maria-sem-vergonha or translating : shameless Mary . this name is because this plant flower has no shame , she is able to survive in very hard conditions . the fact they are in my life is the ultimate prove of this . the dogs don't give a rest to then .
in every moments of my life here in Sao Paulo there was a Maria-sem-vergonha near . it is very hard to do not develop a special feeling for this very special and sweet companion . she never stops to smile , even on winter or fall .

2001- by Caio Fernandes

1999- by Caio Fernandes

pterophilum scalare : my private colection .

those are the survives of a colection of scalares that i don't intend to procriate any more , just have then as pets . they live for someting around 7 years in an aquariun , 2 years more then their relatives of the amazone rivers .
these are exclusive for aquariuns , don't exist in the nature . it seens that german cientists , at the beguinig of the 20 centure , took some specimes fron amazon and in germany started to breed diferent blood lines with new colours and body shapes . then they got very popular all around the world .
here we call then Acara Bandeira , similar the name the indian tribes of the Amazon's Black River's area call it . i know that in USA they call it Angel Fish .
i used to procriate then , it was a wonderful hobbie , when they form a couple , it is for the rest of their lifes , very rare one individuous acept other partner .
i like then because every one has a completely diferent personality of the other . how come ? they almost don't have a brain , but their memories are great . there are those ones that like me and come to eat on my hand and wagg the tail as a dog when i am geting close . others like me but are shy , 2 of then hate me , if possible , bite me . there are the social ones , friends of all the other fishies of the aquariun , and those ones that fight and kill when it is possible .
mines have 5 years old already , and one couple stil reproduce and put 60 eggys every 15 days , i don't take care of the eggys any more , i give for a guy that breed this especime too .
take picture of tank fish in general is kind of tricky , the method that works one day , fail the next day .i think that today had external light interfering betweem the camera and the glass of the aquariun .
but don't worry , their water is crystal clean .

selfportraits with Saskia at the other side - 2005 - by Caio Fernandes

Maren's scent : Loving Green's dimension smells like NordenVind

For 2 weeks i have thought to post those pictures , but with a text together . i stil have no idea of what to write .
Sinse i visited her blog for the first time i got involved by her life that seens very simple but has hiden corners , fissures leading you to a magic breath . the time passed and i was introduced to those photographys between teas , petals and touchs of cats .
It made me remember of 2 paintings i made after Saskia passed away . I was searching things that at the time i believed was impossible to find in my life . i had no model for to paint my feelings or dreans . Then Maren comes fron this fog of my hopes and visions , extends her bright hand and introduces me to this very particular beauty .
I looked for it , went to so many places of the this planet . But nothing was unveiled , i feel i was always at the wrong place at the wrong time . I don't know what is harder : to never find and believe that it doesn't exist ; or after all your hope is gone and you are exausted , to see that it is possible but you have failed and the gates didn't want to open for you when you was there .
Other sensation i had made me remember the King Kong movie ( that i don't like and never had patience to watch till the end ) . I felt like a primitive half wild cat - half man in a forgotten place , face to face with a delicate beauty fron a distant world . It is very disturbing for me .
These last days i have bilt a tiny cathedral made of crystal . I am going to put Maren , her garden with all the flowers , her cats , her lake , all her green love on the palm of my hand and raise the cathedral 's walls all around it . She will be protected for ever and allow me to do not let this dream to scape again . At dawn i will lift up the Mare's world over the clouds and it will shine as a day's star . At night , when starts to get cold i will give a last glance under the moon light , pic it up , bring to my shelter , watch her singing the last song before she goes to bed , and keep the cathedral , this " Loving Green World " into my jacket's pocket . Keeping warm and safe , repeating this ritual every day , for ever and ever .
So see her blogs before i reach , capture her " High Elves " female scent and hide fron the rest of the civilization deep into my montain's rainforest . AMEN .
http://www.nordenvind.blogspot.com/
http://www.marenshus.blogspot.com/

search and destroy - a drawing performance - 2009 - by Caio Fernandes .

Loolly - 2004- 2009 . beloved mother of more than 200 albine babys .

full of grace , she had 5 husbands and more than 200 babys .Lolly was an albine corydora , responsable for keep her home always clean .
she died with 5 years old , happy and swiming as she liked : looping around the plants .


oh , and for who wants to know what happened with the rolinha .... her first son died , but she had another one , and he is fine , but i won't try to take pictures of him for do not disturb the harmony of the nest .
she stil eat my 8 grains bread . but sometimes i think that she doesn't like it , just eat for do not offend me . rolinhas are always very polite friends .

2002 - by Caio Fernandes